Understanding the New Car MOT 2018

[Richard]

Its the number of what appear to be motorcycles until you get close enough and can see the vehicle details that gets me, the Cyclops brigade as many call them.

My wife has had her car since 2012 and I bought mine new one in 2016, it was supposed to replace old car, but fate took over. It was only a fortnight ago that I found some of the automation on screen wiping. I checked the book and parking assist is a feature, I even found which otherwise unused, (by me) button sets it up. ‘Connected services’ are a whole different ball game, my shallow needs may not warrant the time investment to read the manual and set it up let alone master that function.

The old car very basic which makes it easier to use, though that makes it easier to take a long way round to a previously un-visted hospital 55 miles away at 3:00 in the morning; no satnav in the old car! My normal navigator was the patient, so was running degraded navigation skills.

[The Duke]

Mine has the active break assist. It’s very good most of the time. Thou mine hates my chemist’s parking spot. Because they are relativly steep, coming off a flat road, evey time I try to revers off the parking spot, the thing thinks I’m a about to hit somthing. And oh may does it stop you abruptly. Its like hitting a wall.

After 4 months of ownership I now know to creap out of the spot and I know its going to slam on. Just now it slams on from 1mph instead of about 7. So it’s a gental stop, then you give it a bit more throttle to disengage it.

The first time it happens I thought I hit somthing. I think it locked the clutch up as well as the breaks, as there was a very ‘cluchy’ smell, and a good bang of noise. I must admit to almost soiling myself.

John, alot  of your list is mandatory kit, and the majority of the rest is standard kit on most cars that arnt BMW or merc. They love to option the crap out of customers. It’s why I was going with seat or skoda, as they give you the kit with there mid tier line. Pug is the same, also with pug now there interiors are beautiful too, class leading and put the more expensive brands to shame. I didn’t go pug as I didn’t like their engine offerings, but spec for spec their gt line (mid tier) is amazing. I’d of got a 3008 gt line, if they had a decent petrol engine on offer at that time.

[JayCeeDee]

It just goes to show how quickly you get out of touch and how fast tech catches up!!

[Tippon]

The Duke wrote:

My car seems to realign itself every time the lights come on. Ive noticed on start up at night, the lights move up and down left and right. I just see it as someone’s future headache and cost. I’m not a fan of tech for the sake or it.

I like this idea. I couldn’t count the number of times that I’ve been dazzled by misaligned lights, especially when the car seems to be carrying something heavy.

 

The Duke wrote:

Earlier today I was reading an artical that recons laws will be coming in around 2022 stating that all new cars will be gps speed limited based on the road, (no more speeding), auto braking, Lane keep assists, us a whole host of safety inspired kit..

This one worries me. I can easily imagine a car driving along at a few miles below the speed limit with the GPS limiter, capturing photos or video of anyone who overtakes them and automatically sending them off to the police for prosecution. Fine when someone’s doing 50 in a 30 for example, but there’s way too much of a grey area on a normal drive for sensible drivers to get caught out.

 

Richard wrote:

Its the number of what appear to be motorcycles until you get close enough and can see the vehicle details that gets me, the Cyclops brigade as many call them.

I had a big bust up with one of these when I first passed my bike test. As you can imagine, the roads in the valleys are quite narrow, and lots of places are narrowed down to a single vehicle in either direction, with the opposite direction waiting their turn. I was on the bike one evening when another bike was coming towards me along one of these sections. I kept going instead of waiting, until I found out that it was a car with no driver’s side headlight. If he squeezed to his left, I could tuck my mirrors in and get past, and that would have been it, except he decided to block the road and try to have a go at me.

One double barrelled mouthful later, including a few questions about his parentage, and quite possibly an ancient Klingon curse or two, and he was back in his car with his tail tucked firmly between his legs ?

[PlaneMan]

Ryan, I find swearing in Welsh or French, or both, confuses people enough to make them give up and go away.

Had it today on the way to Llantwit Major beach, very tight in certain sections. Idiots in massive SUV’s taking up all the road and refusing to reverse or pull in a bit. They think ‘might is right’. When I’ve finished with them they don’t anymore. ?

[The Duke]

Given I have a beard like a viking and am as wide as  tall, English usually works OK To stop most wanting to carry on an argument.

Though I find that if you have an older car  people just back down as they know it will cost you less. Now I have a new car, people will chance it more.

Whem I had a ten year Old cscrapper with dents, people would part the red sea for me.

I suppose its the same principle why in an busy car park I’ll park next to a rangerover over an A reg fiesta. The internal snob in me says they wont want to dent their door on my car.

[Bob Williams]

Whilst working as a grease monkey, I once borrowed the workshop Landrover, a battered but well maintained Series II with bull bars*, to go see a sick relative in my dinner hour. It was during the Miners’ Strike and I was coming down a steep hill in a tight street with parked cars either side, when an old Skoda came towards me. The driver had not recognised me, but I knew him as one of 3 strikers who had threatened my (working) brother. He waved his hand to that I should reverse and I just put the LR in Low and nosed up to the Skoda. He revved the engine of his crapmobile, I laughed and kept going. Eventually I pushed him onto the kerb when a space presented itself. He jumped out, I jumped out, he ran off when he recognised me at last. I looked at his car: tax disc out of date, probably no insurance, Skoda of course a crushed write-off. I drove back to the garage and that evening I entertained half my (working) miner relatives with the story. That became a good story at work for them and bad news for the Skoda driver when he eventually went back to work.

*They were still legal then. They certainly worked ? and were already well scratched.

When the Thought Police arrive at your door, think -
I'm out.

[The Duke]

I’m amaxed the old skoda lost it to The old defender. The old skoda was biuld out of angle iron .

Also the defender I love, but have zero fornd memories over.teice I almost drowns in the rear of a 90, surrounded by rat packs and ammo! They was very unpredictable. Thoug I’d love oen today. Well apart form the clutch! Oh and shoulder room! And probably reliability, also trh rust. OK they are cool, but crap lol.

[Richard]

After the Friday evening performance, Saturday morning had an early start with SWMBO in the bathroom not feeling well from about 03:30 onwards, not the best way to start any day.

I was scheduled to pick up daughter on what I call the yo-yo run, as series of cross county trips to pick her up and drop her back again. I was not daisy fresh so took it steady in the old car knocking up just under 90 miles at just over 61 mpg, it might be old but it can still move. The lunch booking was just daughter and I but first I did manage to sort out daughter’s finances and apply to renew her passport on line before we went out. It all felt too easy even if stupidly expensive,

A harmonious meal plus a return home saw wife still feel a bit green but better so after fond words from Mum leaving SWMBO to rest I took daughter home to sheltered living again.

Sunday saw me battle some clock resets then take my wife’s car out for its weekly run. after that I felt a restful day was in order. Was it in Whinny the Poo that a character said,

‘sometimes I sits and thinks, sometimes I just sits’, that sounded too active for me’.

The passport office sent daily reminders over the weekend to send in the old passport. It was posted off first thing this morning.

A good night’s sleep was need so what did we get? a phone call at 04:00 am telling us that a sick friend had died from his cancer. A great start for a day when our afternoon was to be taken up in oncology again, at the start of another 6 months or so of ups and downs. My homework then became blocking strings of future dates to prevent clashes with the programme; great news so far, nothing from the new batch conflicts with anything so far booked.

[Bob Williams]

The Duke wrote:

I’m amazed the old Skoda lost it to The old Defender. The old Skoda was built out of angle iron . Also the Defender I love, but have zero fond memories over. Twice I almost drowned in the rear of a 90, surrounded by rat packs and ammo! They was very unpredictable. Though I’d love one today. Well apart from the clutch! Oh and shoulder room! And probably reliability, also the rust. OK they are cool, but crap lol.

Steve, my boss and I completely rebuilt that SII Land Rover between us, from the ground up, when we setup the garage in 1982. This is just an example, ours was heavier and only looked beat up! We rebuilt, repaired and strengthened the chassis, waxoyled everywhere and the bullbars were directly welded to the chassis. Front & rear winches, bought, rebuilt and fitted a 2250 cc engine to replace the knackered 2.0 lump. It was a workhorse and my old boss still has it up at his farm, although he is too knackered to use it now, his youngest son and grandsons love it. When I last saw it, it had IIRC 190,000 miles on that engine. Always maintained religiously, dents and bumps knocked out regularly, hand painted every 2 or 3 years. The Skoda did not stand a chance!

We loved that old bus almost as much as we loved the garage runabout that we built out of a Cortina estate:

Taken maybe 1984/5. Fitted with a 2.0 ltr engine, twin Weber carb’s, beefed up suspension.

Incidentally, in I think 1964 or 65, two squaddies from REME Bordon off their faces nicked a LR from the MTO, drove into Guildford and hit a Mercedes, carrying two officers, head on. The officers were killed outright, both squaddies recovered in time to be jailed. The Merc was a write off, the LR was repaired at Base Workshops and RTU’d.

When the Thought Police arrive at your door, think -
I'm out.

[Author]

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