[RSB]

This thread is dedicated to any old yarns you may have. I was sat thinking about funny old times in the past that was comical to me at the time.

One of which was I was doing my timing belt on my focus 1.8 TDI  outside my house. It was like an estate place but not your rough type. Some snobby, posh folk around there was. Obviously I got the dirty looks, working on my own “Travellers” look-a-like car outside my house 🙂

Anyhow, going off at a tangent. And this is a short story. One of these snobby people rocked up at the side of me and asked “Have you seen tortoise pass here” “It’s escaped”!

At this point, I obviously had to ask the lady “Are you being serious?” She got extremely angry at this point 🙂

I was more or less in tears with laughter on the ground and she was getting even more wound up. She pointed out to me that turtles can and often do a runner which I later checked upon and it’s true.

Still, funny as hell at the time.

Americans: Over Sexed, Over Payed and Over here, Wat Wat!

[Bob Williams]

Staying with animals:

As a teenager I inherited a dog from my two nephews, after promising their dad my much-missed Big bro, they would look after it, but didn’t. Bro turned up at our house and gave Patch to me. I already used to walk him anyway, so he was fine with us. Patch was a ‘Grew’ – a Greyhound/Whippet cross. Mostly white and brown, a big brown patch over one eye, and could run like the wind. Caught us loads of rabbits and even the occasional Hare.

This was a time when my city cousin Bill used to come over from Stoke and loved walking out into the fields and forest around the village. Took him out with Patch one day and showed him how that dog could run. His trick was to lead him away from one of us a couple of hundred yards, then call him. Told Bill to wait while I took Patch into the woods, then call him, but don’t move aside when he runs at you, as he swerves at the last minute.

Being a city lad, when Patch came at him at warp factor 12, he moved. Tremendous collision between Patch’s head and cousin’s knees! Bill lying on the floor holding his legs and moaning, Patch staggering around shaking his head, me on the floor LMAO. Had to carry Patch home and support a limping cousin. Patch very quiet for the rest of the day, lying under our apple trees with his head on Bill’s belly, both fast asleep.

Same dog used to walk through very long grass in a local meadow. I would call him to see he had not wandered off and he would leap like a kangaroo, seeming to hang in the air for seconds, looking at me through that comical patch over his eye and seeming to say “What?”

I loved that dog, think he was the favourite out of all my dogs. If dad took him out, walking with his stick, he would follow behind him at a slow walk. Mam would talk to Patch as if he was a kid, he used to cock his head from side to side as if listening, but after a bit he would get up and walk out. I knew how he felt!

When the Thought Police arrive at your door, think -
I'm out.

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