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Jesus Knows
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,
‘Jesus knows you’re here.’He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard ‘Jesus is watching you.’
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot.
‘Yep’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.’
The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you ?’
‘Moses,’ replied the bird.
‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’
‘The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.’
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Regards
wasbitRig 1: Optiplex 3050 SFF
Rig 2: Asus ROG G20CB (rebuilt wreck)
Rig 3: HP Elitebook 8440PDear Starfleet, hate you, hate the Federation, taking Voyager. - Janeway
Schnauzer
My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the vet, who found that the problem was hair in the dog’s ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine.
The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some “Nair” hair remover and rub it in the dog’s ears once a month.
Andrea went to the store and bought some “Nair” hair remover.
At the register, the pharmacist told her, “If you’re going to use this under your arms, don’t use deodorant for a few days.”
Andrea said, “I’m not using it under my arms.”
The pharmacist said, “If you’re using it on your legs, don’t use body lotion for a couple of days.”
Andrea replied, “I’m not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I’m using it on my Schnauzer.”
The pharmacist says, “Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week.”--
Regards
wasbitRig 1: Optiplex 3050 SFF
Rig 2: Asus ROG G20CB (rebuilt wreck)
Rig 3: HP Elitebook 8440PDear Starfleet, hate you, hate the Federation, taking Voyager. - Janeway
Duck Joke
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says, “Hang on! You’re a duck.”
“I see your eyes are working,” replies the duck.
“And you can talk!” exclaims the barman.
“I see your ears are working, too,” says the duck. “Now, if you don’t mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?”
“Certainly, sorry about that,” says the barman as he pulls the duck’s pint. “It’s just we don’t get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?”
“I’m working on the building site across the road,” explains the duck. “I’m a plasterer.”
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants
to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.
So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.The same thing happens for two weeks…
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him “You’re with the circus, aren’t you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!”
“Sounds marvelous,” says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. “Get him to give me a call.”
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, “Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money.”
“I’m always looking for the next job,” says the duck. “Where is it?”
“At the circus,” says the barman.
“The circus?” repeats the duck.
“That’s right,” replies the barman.
“The circus?” The duck asks again. With the big tent?”
“Yeah,” the barman replies.
“With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?” says the duck.
Of course,” the barman replies.
“And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?” persists the duck.
“That’s right!” says the barman.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . …. .
“What the heck would they want with a plasterer?
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Regards
wasbitRig 1: Optiplex 3050 SFF
Rig 2: Asus ROG G20CB (rebuilt wreck)
Rig 3: HP Elitebook 8440PDear Starfleet, hate you, hate the Federation, taking Voyager. - Janeway
Reformed Parrot
Recently I received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a mean attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. I tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else I could think of to “clean up” the bird’s vocabulary.
Finally, I was fed up and I yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. I shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. So, in desperation, I threw up my hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that I’d hurt the parrot, I quickly opened the freezer door.The parrot calmly stepped out onto my outstretched arm and said,
“I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour.”
I was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As I was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued,
“May I ask what the turkey did?”--
Regards
wasbitRig 1: Optiplex 3050 SFF
Rig 2: Asus ROG G20CB (rebuilt wreck)
Rig 3: HP Elitebook 8440PDear Starfleet, hate you, hate the Federation, taking Voyager. - Janeway
Two Parrots
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, ‘Father, I have a problem.
I have two female parrots,
But they only know to say one thing.’
‘What do they say?’ the priest asked.
They say, ‘Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?’
‘That’s obscene!’ the priest exclaimed,
Then he thought for a moment…..
‘You know,’ he said, ‘I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible…
Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we’ll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying… That phrase… In no time.’
‘Thank you,’ the woman responded, ‘this may very well be the solution.’
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house….
As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying…
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them…
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:
Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?’
There was stunned silence…
Shocked, One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says,
‘Put the beads away, Frank, Our prayers have been answered!
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Regards
wasbitRig 1: Optiplex 3050 SFF
Rig 2: Asus ROG G20CB (rebuilt wreck)
Rig 3: HP Elitebook 8440PDear Starfleet, hate you, hate the Federation, taking Voyager. - Janeway
An Ode to ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ – A husband’s point of view.
John Summers (not Pam Ayres)The missus bought a Paperback
down Shepton, Saturday,
I had a look in her bag;
…T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.Well I just left her to it,
…At ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down on the floor,
And then began to strip.Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week.Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
Things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!She struggled up upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said…
I must dominate her!!Now if you knew our Mabel,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d muttered.She stood there nude, naked like;
Bent forward just a bit ….
I thought oh well, what the hell,
and stood on her left tit!Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one!”Well readers, I can’t tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of Grey.How funny is this! It turns out that the ‘Ode to Fifty Shades of Grey’ attributed to great British poet Pam Ayres earlier this year, and doing the rounds again on Facebook and Twitter again now, isn’t her work at all! Rather it’s apparently from the pen of one John Summers. But it’s so ‘Pam-esque’ that the doyenne of the ditty had to take to Twitter to declare ‘I DID NOT write this poem… It is nothing to do with me.’
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Regards
wasbitRig 1: Optiplex 3050 SFF
Rig 2: Asus ROG G20CB (rebuilt wreck)
Rig 3: HP Elitebook 8440PDear Starfleet, hate you, hate the Federation, taking Voyager. - Janeway
I’ve just sorted a corrupt Windows 10 machine, which wouldn’t self repair. It was an upgrade from Windows 7 Pro.
I downloaded the ‘MediaCreationTool1803’ & following the instructions to use a USB flash drive. I didn’t have to use any other programme to make the drive bootable, the Creation Tool did it all. I only had to select from the options offered.
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Regards
wasbitRig 1: Optiplex 3050 SFF
Rig 2: Asus ROG G20CB (rebuilt wreck)
Rig 3: HP Elitebook 8440PDear Starfleet, hate you, hate the Federation, taking Voyager. - Janeway
OT
Partitioning the main drive is something I’ve always done. Obviously it doesn’t help if the hard drive fails but it’s no worse than any other scenario.
I back up the My Documents folder to an external drive once a week using FreeFileSync. I don’t bother with apps, only programmes. I also don’t back up the operating system preferring a fresh instal if anything goes wrong. It normally takes 24 hours to get all the updates, even when using WSUS & most programmes seem to work without needing to be re-installed. Haven’t needed to do it for a couple of years though.
Works for me. 🙂
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Regards
wasbitRig 1: Optiplex 3050 SFF
Rig 2: Asus ROG G20CB (rebuilt wreck)
Rig 3: HP Elitebook 8440PDear Starfleet, hate you, hate the Federation, taking Voyager. - Janeway
Just in case …..
Zoostorm Intel Core i3 2100 @ 3.10GHz
250GH Hdd / 4GB RAM / DVD-RW
Windows 10 Pro 64bit
£69.99 with free delivery
– Rapid IT
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Regards
wasbitRig 1: Optiplex 3050 SFF
Rig 2: Asus ROG G20CB (rebuilt wreck)
Rig 3: HP Elitebook 8440PDear Starfleet, hate you, hate the Federation, taking Voyager. - Janeway
Don’t know John, mine are all Windows 8 … but there are lots of complaints about networking & printer failures since the latest Windows (Spring?) update.
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Regards
wasbitRig 1: Optiplex 3050 SFF
Rig 2: Asus ROG G20CB (rebuilt wreck)
Rig 3: HP Elitebook 8440PDear Starfleet, hate you, hate the Federation, taking Voyager. - Janeway
The purpose was to get three cameras viewed in one screen rather than have three instances of a programme open. When I tried earlier, Mint Firefox wouldn’t connect to the camera & kept sending me to a search engine so I installed Chrome (ughh) which did see them & since then so does Thunderbird.
As I said, I managed to get all the cameras to stream via RTSP with VLC player individually in Windows 8.1, but not all three together. The RTSP address format is different for each make of camera but I managed to find the correct one online. Unfortunately the address doesn’t work in VLC Mint.
So work in progress.Thanks RSB. I came across Zoneminder in my searches. It’s included in Mint but I can’t find out how to work it.
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Regards
wasbitRig 1: Optiplex 3050 SFF
Rig 2: Asus ROG G20CB (rebuilt wreck)
Rig 3: HP Elitebook 8440PDear Starfleet, hate you, hate the Federation, taking Voyager. - Janeway
Thanks Dave. No mention of that in any of my searches.
Tried it out earlier & it enters workgroup as the domain name despite being left blank.
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Regards
wasbitRig 1: Optiplex 3050 SFF
Rig 2: Asus ROG G20CB (rebuilt wreck)
Rig 3: HP Elitebook 8440PDear Starfleet, hate you, hate the Federation, taking Voyager. - Janeway
How do I access the same USB drive from Mint Cinnamon 18.3, please?
I’ve tried various suggestions from the internet without success.
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Regards
wasbitRig 1: Optiplex 3050 SFF
Rig 2: Asus ROG G20CB (rebuilt wreck)
Rig 3: HP Elitebook 8440PDear Starfleet, hate you, hate the Federation, taking Voyager. - Janeway
\\ipaddress in File Explorer shouldn’t take you to the login page for the router. It should take you to the root of the shares (usually the root of the drive)..
That worked. Thanks.
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Regards
wasbitRig 1: Optiplex 3050 SFF
Rig 2: Asus ROG G20CB (rebuilt wreck)
Rig 3: HP Elitebook 8440PDear Starfleet, hate you, hate the Federation, taking Voyager. - Janeway
We were without water for 24 hours due to a burst water main. Thames Water delivered bottle water to drop off points around the are & to most of the surrounding villages.
Apparently, after the first drop off, a white van arrived & all the packs disappeared.
I watched neighbours make multiple journeys & carry about 20 packs indoors.
As the water trickled out of the kitchen tap we had more than sufficient water for our needs, including filling a bucket to flush the loo. 6 hours later the water was back on.
Now there are various water packs outside some houses waiting for tonight’s frost & I expect there to be a lot of bottled water for sale on various social network sites.?
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Regards
wasbitRig 1: Optiplex 3050 SFF
Rig 2: Asus ROG G20CB (rebuilt wreck)
Rig 3: HP Elitebook 8440PDear Starfleet, hate you, hate the Federation, taking Voyager. - Janeway
They are collection only, “no deliveries”, otherwise should be ok if you’re local.
Rapid IT tend to have a selection of monitors. Prices include delivery.
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Regards
wasbitRig 1: Optiplex 3050 SFF
Rig 2: Asus ROG G20CB (rebuilt wreck)
Rig 3: HP Elitebook 8440PDear Starfleet, hate you, hate the Federation, taking Voyager. - Janeway
The open fan system didn’t work. Tried with fans horizontal & vertical. You could feel the heat from the radiators but all the fans created was a coolish draught.
Changed the power supply for an adjustable multi voltage power adaptor because I found some inline DC connectors. At 5v, the fans are barely audible. 6v, they sound like a trapped bee & at 7v they sound like a drone.
Will try boxing them in tomorrow whilst the beast from the east is still with us.
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Regards
wasbitRig 1: Optiplex 3050 SFF
Rig 2: Asus ROG G20CB (rebuilt wreck)
Rig 3: HP Elitebook 8440PDear Starfleet, hate you, hate the Federation, taking Voyager. - Janeway
If you browse the network with Windows Explorer, does it show up?
Nope. The router shows under Network Infrastructure & my 3 IP cameras show under Other Devices.
Forgot to say that I have shared all the files & folders on the pen drive.
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Regards
wasbitRig 1: Optiplex 3050 SFF
Rig 2: Asus ROG G20CB (rebuilt wreck)
Rig 3: HP Elitebook 8440PDear Starfleet, hate you, hate the Federation, taking Voyager. - Janeway
I’m going to have a go at making my own. This will initially be manually switched on & off but if it works I’ll see about adding a thermostatic control.
Raiding the spares box Ive found an old pre Sata 300w PSU, a couple of Zalman 75mm fans & a Molex lead that splits into four fan connectors, 2 x 5v & 2 x 7v. That should slow the fans down & thus the noise. I have already tested that everything works using a paperclip between the green wire on pin 4 & a black on the PSU 20 pin connector.
The plan is to mount the fans on a length of 25mm angle, probably aluminium, as far apart as the leads allow. With the fans blowing upwards, possibly nothing else will be needed. If not, then I’ll start thinking about how to box the fans in.--
Regards
wasbitRig 1: Optiplex 3050 SFF
Rig 2: Asus ROG G20CB (rebuilt wreck)
Rig 3: HP Elitebook 8440PDear Starfleet, hate you, hate the Federation, taking Voyager. - Janeway
My internet sometimes goes off about 1.30am. 1st test is always see if there’s a dial tone then phone 1471 just to make sure it’s working. I’ve always presumed this happens because either my ISP or BT is doing some work on the lines which loses the internet.
Interestingly this test resulted in finding out that the phone line wasn’t working although there was still internet access. The Openreach guy that fixed it told us there was corrosion on a below ground connector but because the second wire didn’t have corrosion the internet still worked. So apparently a phone needs two wire connected but the internet only one.
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Regards
wasbitRig 1: Optiplex 3050 SFF
Rig 2: Asus ROG G20CB (rebuilt wreck)
Rig 3: HP Elitebook 8440PDear Starfleet, hate you, hate the Federation, taking Voyager. - Janeway
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