Joke – not politically correct

lol 😹

Ok, as we are into jokes 🙂

Podraig is walking past the barn, spots Shamus dressed as a Chippendale gyrating around a large Massey Ferguson
“What the heck are yuse up to Shamus” he says
Shamus, red faced and perspiring.
” I have a fierce lust upon me fer that new barmaid, but she doesn’t seem to notice me at all.
I went to the doctor to get some advice, and he told me to try doing something sexy to a tractor”

An Irish man went to confession in St. Patrick’s Catholic Church ..
‘Father’, he confessed, ‘ it been one month now since my last confession…
I was intimate with Fanny Green twice last month ..’
The priest told the sinner, ‘You are forgiven .. Go out and say three Hail Mary’s ..’
Soon thereafter, Another Irish man entered the confessional
‘Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I’ve had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months ..’
This time, the priest questioned, ‘Who IS this Fanny Green .. ?’
‘A new woman in the neighbourhood father, he replied. …
‘Very well’, sighed the priest .. Go and say ten Hail Mary’s’ ..
At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, Voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous Redheaded woman entered the sanctuary ..
The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest ..
Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching shiny emerald-green shoes ..
The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn’t wearing any underwear.
The priest turned to the Altar boy and whispered, ‘Is That Fanny Green …?’
The bug-eyed altar boy couldn’t believe his ears but managed to calmly reply,‘No Father, I think it’s just a Reflection from her shoes’ …!!’

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,
‘Jesus knows you’re here.’
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard
This photo illustrates a burglary or thief breaking into a home at night through a back door View from inside the residence
‘Jesus is watching you.’
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
‘ Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot?
‘Yep’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you “that he is watching you.’
The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’
‘Moses,’ replied the bird.
‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’
‘The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.’